Us. (according to me)

A cigarette to keep you close to my heart

A cigarette to keep you off my mind

A cigarette in moments of peaceful solitude

A cigarette during times of the tumultuous grind

A cigarette of a song

A cigarette with a breeze

A whiff of cigarette smoke

to bring a beautiful moment to freeze

A breath on your lips

transferred to mine

Our crazy trippy bike trips

that feel so wrong and divine

Your hands, my hair

Don't mind the disapproving stares

Nights that arrive before day ends

Days spent huddled up in bed

A thoughtful scribble, an inaccurate sketch

And on a tiny restaurant tissue these memories you etch

Smiles and winks stolen in between

Distant, wistful cattle farm dreams

But as fleeting and unreal as it seems

I love you. In this moment.

As in the last. And in the next.

All the more.

:)

[*Pardon the mixed up rhyme scheme.

And the abrupt, silly ending!]

Going Away...

The bus starts to move

I let go of your hand.

A little more... A little more..

Where is your smile gone?

In my head, it happens over and over.

The wheels turn. And turn...

All other moments are forgotten.

The scattered words return.

Smiling blindly, I feel numb to the world around.

And my mind keeps trailing back to that moment

Where I disappointed you. And saw you (feeling) lost...

Waiting for What's Past

Words scattered from a few songs broken

Strewn around in front of me on the floor

Ringing in my head since the moment I've woken

Their echoes taunting me ever more

The songs that stand for the times we've had

Reminding me one way or another of you

And however much it makes me sad

It's something I can't help but cling onto

Loving but leaving, in those helpless pangs of passion

I stare at these persistent words and yearn

Tempted by pointless acts of aggression

Leave me be, because I just won't learn

Perpetually anxious, longing and waiting

My sanity hanging in the balance

Hopes of redemption, dissipating

As your only reply is an uneasy silence...

I really want you! :D

I want you.
I know I can't have you.
But I want you.
And everything is so perfect. You and me. So right.
But I know I can't do it now. And I know you can't either.

And this time keeps slipping by.
So mean and cruel.

Distances don't bridge.

The memories will fade away. The ones that are keeping me going these days.

Your smiling face, and that hand waving to me, blowing those final kisses my way,
dissolving into the dark, over n over, will drive me crazy.

Until I can't even see it anymore.

And that will be the saddest day of my life... Sadder even than today. And I take solace in that.
Shuddering even to think of that day, I cling on for now to what we had..

To salvage one more memory. One more little piece of me from each passing day...

I want to be with u again. And know u want it too..
But the fleeting time just won't pass.
The distance, yet not bridged.

Lines

The lines blur..
Right. Wrong.
Situations.

No space for lines.
Lines but nothing else in space.

Lines, in my hands and on your face.
Telling me a lot, but hiding the rest.

Lines to follow, lines to fudge.
Lines I cherish, and those I grudge.

Lines that curve and I want to explore.
Often leading me to shady, closed doors.

Lines that tie us together, till we choke
Lines I was meant to stay within, but broke

New lines, overwriting the old
Lines disappearing.. slowly fading away, no longer as bold
And I shall let go, since them I cannot hold...

Gates

Gates to keep us out
Gates to lock us in
Gates that I can see you through
But I can't touch you, or I must not
Defeats the purpose of the gate

If someone were to open the gates, things would be different.
If the gates were to open, I would rush out and hold you in a tight embrace.
I would look into your searching eyes and hope I give you what you're looking for...

...Shall I break it down, or do I not want to?

Am I not ready?

I need to go...

Carry me away

-I don't wanna walk.

Please shut up today

-since there's nothing for us to talk.

Stare at me not

-with those untrusting eyes.

You need not say a word

-when it's just suger-coated lies.

Hold not my hand

-when I do not hold yours back.

Just let me go

-I need to go...

(I'm sorry)

Absurdity

My heart sinks as my spirit soars
Tell me how I could find a cure
To a problem so absurd
Of which I have never even heard

Thinking I know but still not learning
The fire inside me flickeringly burning
I might go up one day in flames
But my heart sinks as it's caught up in these games
Amidst innumerable unjustified claims
-about my braindeadness.

Insomnia

One more hour till the sun rises again, and I feel another day begin.
Another chance to salvage myself before it gets too late.
Well, the night has passed. And what did I do?

Cause and effect

Let me know when I weakened your cause.
Did I do it by not making a difference?

What do you mean by a 'good time'?

Your hand around my waist?
Warm fuzzy feelings inside?
A high felt from knowing I'm high?
Smoke rings and love songs in the moonlight?
Warm kisses leading to the bed?
Waking up with a stupid smile and many doubts?
Obsessing over why I'm not bothered, but knowing I'm not wrong.

Happiness.

I had a good time! :D

Wasting Away

Happy, sane, conveniently free.
I'm wasting away.

Enjoying life's many meaningless thrills.
I'm wasting away.

Talking, hearing, thinking what to say next.
Loved, praised.. but underappreciated.
I'm wasting away.

Fantasising and dramatising.
I'm wasting away.

Laughing, loving, dancing around silly.
Complacency in the name of chilling.
I'm wasting away.

Patiently restless. Efficient if not effective.
I'm wasting away.

Wilting, begging, what a pity!
Scared to start and blaming the city.
I'm wasting away.

Tired of the nothing.
Nothing to tire from.
I'm Wasting Away!

Wallflower

Displayed on your wall, pretty and smiling.
No purpose but to look pleasant and die.
Just a bundle of petals, hollow inside. Nothing but air between.
Flashing my colours at everyone who passes by so they may pass an appreciative look, approve of your 'taste'.
I cannot talk to them- of course not- I'm braindead to them.
Slow and pleasant, oh so pretty. You must be so proud.

It's killing me, but they approve. And you're so proud!
Oh well, but when I wilt away in the night, you will throw me in the bin, with your very own hands, that picked me to decorate your wall with. Glad to be of help sir!
Sorry I couldn't be more to you.
And I'm sorry you couldn't see more in me.

Fleeting

I'm sittting and watching these fleeting moments pass by. I sit and just keep looking, wondering why I won't spring up and catch them!

Fears

For stepping into what has so far been uncharted territory.
Not knowing if I have the skills to survive the perils of this self-inflicted dilemma.
And if it means enough to lose all else I hold dear, and yet does not fulfill my heart, and its wild, wrong desires!

It's sabotage, of the self... and I don't mind!