How

He'll get over it. Because he has nothing to lose. He's already lost everything.

I haven't lost anything in this.. at all. And I wish I had... because I wouldn't have the option then... to go back to what I have rejected already but what still awaits me, haunts me. And makes me feel ashamed, quietly deep inside. It makes me knot up so bad I want to choke up and die.. just to stop those images constantly spinning around in my head all the time... images.. of a past, so close and tempting and safe, and yet so unbearable and confining that it's almost damning, and a future, uncertain and so yet fantastic that it seems completely implausible, especially given my tendency to not believe, and the utter lack of faith in myself.

It's nothing new here, but again I'm gripped by thoughts of self-deprecation and guilt, over what I have become and if it's so terrible?

Am I right? Am I wrong?
Do I have any right to be wrong, if it makes me happy?
Would I never be happy, knowing that I'm wrong?

Surrounded by the doubts and regrets, for once, I don't want to repent what I am. I really just don't. I want to be proud and be able to move on. I just want to not be stuck here for what seems like forever. I want to not care, and not be bogged down by the thought of why I don't care.

By now, I have been told enough times that when you want something, rather than just talking about it, it's a better idea to just go for it and get it.
Be more proactive.
Take the lead.
Get rid of the complacency.

And I'd prefer that too, any day... if only the what-ifs would let me..